My senior tried to explain me why his wife decided to join a new job after spending few years at home as house wife. She was in fact very much relaxed in enjoying her house wife life. But when her mother-in-law landed their house permanently, then the concept of a house wife got changed. There was no such serious problems between his wife and his mother….but there always have been one permanent word “STILL” in their relations. This “STILL” word can not be understood by any one….that is only in between the in-laws relations.
My mother always says to me that my brother-in-laws are JUST like my brothers….but they are not actually my brothers. Perhaps I am also just like the daughter for my in-laws, but not actually their daughter.
I think it is the most sensitive issue in some one’s life….that is the in-law relations. It is really very hard to maintain such type of sophisticated relations which should be very carefully dealt with. I have not seen any in-law relations which are converted to the actual relations. I always notice that if we, the sisters, say some thing to our mother, then she generally accepts it. If the logic is not to be accepted, then she will argue with us. After that, she probably finishes the topic calmly. If we say something to be very sentimental to her, then she will be hurt for some moment only. BUT, if my brother-in-law pointed out some thing wrong to her, then that would become a serious sentimental issue for every body out there.
Before getting married, I also could not follow up all the matters which might touch some one’s heart. I prepared myself ready for my new home, for the new atmosphere, for the new people of course!! Whatever I decided was to treat with every one with my ever green happy mood. I am still continuing my relation with my in-laws in that way.
When my sister had some problems with her in-laws, I could not feel her pain. I could not exactly get the point on which she got hurt. For me the same thing also happens to our mother. Then what could be the point to get hurt on that topic when it was said by her in-laws???
But now, I can feel that truth….that truth which can not be spoken clearly, can not be shared with any one, can not be even tolerated some times. I simply suggest my mother not to treat her son-in-laws as her own sons, because her sons may accept her unfair words some times. But her son-in-laws may not tolerate them smoothly. I want to treat my in-laws as my in-laws, because my activities or my words may not be accepted by them, may not be considered as my simple fault, may touch their heart or may hurt them very unexpectedly also. I keep myself always conscious about my words which may hurt them while dealing with them, which is not necessary with my mother.
My friend told me that she could identify the differences in the behavior of her mother-in-law while she returned back after her office duty. She had to attend her office duty at the same time with her husband. But after the day long hectic schedule, she had to prepare the evening tea for every body presented out there. Her mother-in-law did not even step forward to help her. But she could notice the sympathy of her mother-in-law for her son after his office duty. Sometimes she herself prepared the tea for her son which she could not do for her daughter-in-law. My friend simply wanted some care, some affection which would encourage her to do some thing for the rest of the family.
She pointed out that boys are benefitted from both the side….they get the equal care and affection from their mothers and mother-in-laws….whereas girls have no permanent place to continue their life. They can not stay at their own home for long and can not treat their in-laws house as their own. Exactly, your mother would visit you to give you some rest from your house hold jobs which become difficult to maintain in your busy schedule and your mother-in-law would come to take some rest at her son’s house where her daughter-in-law would have to get ready to serve her any time.
The more carefully the in-laws relations are maintained, the more sweetness will be gained from them. I think that person will be considered as the successful person who can maintain the in-laws relations very smoothly. That girl will be considered as the perfect daughter-in-law who can continue the in-laws relations very tactfully till the end of her life. Because credit goes to those who can maintain the sophisticated relations without any stretch.