In my Degree Part I exam I had a back in my pass course (Economics) papers….actually I was absent at that time, since my father passed away just before one day of my pass course exam. So I had to appear for it in the Part II exam, that is in my 3rd year final exam following the Part I exam routine. I appeared for it also and my exam was so so. In our time, we had only 3 major papers and had to finish all the pass courses in the Part I exam. In Part II, we had the rest of the major papers, there was no pass courses. Students can repeat one of the Part I major papers in which they secure the lowest marks, along with the Part II papers. BUT those who have the back in their Part I papers, can not repeat any of the Part I major papers….this was the rule we followed that time.
Since I had the back in my Pass course, so I could not repeat any papers though my marks in all major papers were very poor. I simply had to clear my back paper and to pass out of my degree course….that time I simply had such type of ambition. I appeared for my back paper accordingly and waited for the result only.
Since I appeared my back paper in the Part I exam, I thought that the result of the back papers might be announced along with the Part I result. So I asked one of my good friends to check my result when the Part I result was declared. But unfortunately he told me that my back was not cleared…means I failed in my back papers again!!!!!
That really shocked me…my exam was not too good..but it was atleast in that level that I could have cleared it….everything was destroyed in front of me…I had no reason to blame any one for it…..no reason to scold myself…..simply thought it to be the biggest misfortune of my life. One long year…I had to pass that one long year to clear only one paper…I failed to become a simple graduate whereas all my friends flew outside of Assam for higher education before declaring our Part II result…my close friends got admission in Jawaharlal Nehru University, Delhi, the top most renowned university in India…some got admission in IITs and some got in St Stephans’ college, Delhi.
I became terribly frustrated of it…..my life went to hell…I could not decide what to do. Then my mother asked me to go to the college myself and to check the result myself also. I decided to do so and met the then HoD Prof. Tarun Sidkar sir regarding this matter. After listening my problem, he surprisingly told me that the result of my back paper would be declared along with my Part II result. My God!!!! I got the breath to survive….I could not tell him how I was happy at that time….since Part II result was already declared and I cleared all the papers with my back paper also…..
That day I could feel the situation of a student who failed in exams…could feel the sentiments who even committed suicide due to the failure….
If you never miss a train you will never feel the value of a second…if you never fail in the exams you will never feel the value of a year….similarly if you never fail in any exams you will never feel the sentiments of the failures….if you never get admission in a reputed college you will never feel the depression of a student who have not got admission in any colleges….if your parents are still alive you will never feel the sorrow of your friends whose parents passed away….if your parents are wealthy enough to fulfill all your dreams after your education also you will never understand the actual meaning of economic crisis….
I became experienced of being a failure in final exams…..for which I consider myself to be the lucky one who can atleast feel what is failure…what is depression…what is sentiments…